TELL YOUR MIND WHAT TO DO

A friend once told us this amusing fact: his huge Rottweiler is afraid of cats. His story goes that when the dog was a young pup, it tried the usual dog-hates-cats snarling and snapping technique on an older cat. Unfazed, the cat coolly let the pup have his merry way. The cat probably got irritated after a while and without warning, a feline claw lashed the dog's sensitive nose. The poor dog probably felt that it was the worst pain he'll ever feel that he associated cats with it. From then on, he gave cats a wide berth. Even when he grew the size of a small horse and could probably swallow a whole cat without effort, they still lorded over him. This huge beast, which can reduce grown men to quaking, is afraid of little cute cats.

We can laugh about the absurdity of this pair but come to think of it, don't we all have our "little cute cats"? Don't we all have those little fears that shaped us into what we are now? Wasn't there a particularly painful experience that taught us to react to things in a particular way?

As little kids, we were constantly barraged with lessons on what to do and what not to do. It could be as instructional as 'don't play with matches'; 'don't talk to strangers'; 'eat vegetables' and so on. These got ingrained in your system that doing it became automatic. That's great but what if you were constantly told 'you're not good enough'; 'your grades are lower than so-and-so'; 'you're not pretty'; 'you're fat' etc.? Unfortunately, yes, this negative outlook got into your psyche too.

Like a dormant computer virus, it got embedded into your programming. Let's say you were always told that you're ugly. You grew up thinking that and each time you try to improve your looks, this 'virus' creeps up and tells you 'don't bother, you're ugly'. As it has been in your subconscious for so long, you believe it and will just go on as you are. Substitute the word 'ugly' with 'fat' or 'stupid' or any of those degrading terms and you get the drift.

Would you like to go on like that all the time? Well, pretty much like a computer, you can also give your subconscious an anti-virus to counteract the negatives. The simplest way is to constantly affirm a positive mantra to drown out the negatives. You are, in fact, reprogramming yourself when you do this. Say 'I am smart and I can_____ (replace with whatever you want to do)' or whatever variation you can think of. It might take a lot of willpower, practice and time to get accustomed to this new program though. Say it repeatedly, whenever you have a free moment, until it becomes real to you. Remember that all the negatives came about because you heard it all your life. Hearing positives will work the same way.

Unlike my friend's Rottweiler, we can be smart enough to realize that we are bigger than our 'cute cats' and they better stay off our paths when we tell them to go away.

~thanks Moni Arora

Monitor Your Journey

A diary can play many roles. It can be a confidant, a vehicle of self expression, a tool that facilitates clarity of thought, or a repository of dreams.

A diary can also be a powerful source of comfort during challenging or traumatic periods. When you record those insights and incidents that clearly demonstrate you are on the right track, you can return to your words days, weeks, or months later and find uniquely soothing reassurance.

A diary with a specific purpose can be a good tool for keeping track of experiences before the passage of time can skew your perception of events. It reflects the immediacy of your life and thus provides you with a landmark to return to when you begin to doubt yourself. If doubt does arise, simply open your diary to reaffirm your experiences. The confidence, surety, passion, and bravery you felt in a single moment is preserved, giving you a means to recapture those feelings in any place, at any time.

Your diary serves as a repository of personalized encouragement. Your recollections will create a positive feedback loop that helps you cope with doubt and challenges in a constructive way. Reading back through your diary when life seems uncertain can show you that your misgivings are unfounded. As you draw consolation from your uplifting words, you will know without a doubt that you are indeed living your life, your way.

Irrational Beliefs and Challenges #12 of 13

Irrational Belief #12: Eating poorly and stupidly makes me a rotten, stupid person.

Challenges:

• Eating poorly and stupidly makes me a person who is now behaving poorly around eating and who can change and eat better in the future.
• My value as a human being is not dependent on my eating behavior.
• My intelligence has nothing to do with my eating.
• People at every IQ level can behave badly around food AND people at every level can behave appropriately around food....regardless of my IQ, I have a choice how I behave.
  

Behavior: Keep a log of incidents of eating poorly and stupidly, then note how you challenged your irrational belief and how you successfully managed your food plan following the incident.

Irrational Beliefs and Challenges #11 of 13

Irrational Belief #11: People make me angry and drive me to overeating.

Challenges:

• People sometimes act poorly but I can choose to tell myself that I cannot control how they act, but can only control how I react.
• I can choose not to make myself angry at them and overeat.
• My anger and my overeating are unrelated. I can control my anger and control my eating.
• I can find other healthy things to do with my anger than eat.
• I can take care of myself and my healthy by remaining calm.

Behavior: Keep a log of incidents of anger caused by others, then note how you challenged your irrational belief and how you successfully managed your food plan following the incident.

Irrational Beliefs and Challenges #9 of 13

Irrational Belief #9: I’m hungry and if I don’t eat right now, it will never end and I won’t be able to stand it.

Challenges:

• If I don’t eat right now, I will continue to lose.
• This one extra food will not really make me feel any better, but it will directly delay my goal.
• The hunger I am feeling is a type of pain. It will fade if I can just wait a half hour. I’ll be able to make it.
• The grumbling in my stomach, the empty feelings and the cravings for food mean I am losing weight.
• This feeling is temporary, and if I can hold out just an hour or so it will be a major accomplishment!
• This is the most difficult effort I will ever have to make, and it’s worth the doing!
• What will it really do for me if I eat now? I will still want food but will have to work even harder to lose weight.
• How will I feel if I give in to the pain? (Think back to the previous times when you have given in, during other weight-loss attempts).
• Will my peers, friends and loved ones respect me if I give in to their sabotage or discouragement?
• How will I feel if I hold out a bit longer?
• If I’ve done it for a few days why can’t I do it for as long as it takes; how is now different?
• When I feel like this I will delay eating for 15 minutes and see if I still feel the same way after that time.
  

Behaviors: Practice these challenges when you feel this way and identify which ones work best for you.

Irrational Beliefs and Challenges #7 of 13

Irrational Belief #7: If I eat even one thing that’s not on my food plan, my whole day is blown and I might as well eat everything I want.

Challenges:

• Every action I take is independent. Therefore, I can recover from any slip.
• I will work continuously at succeeding without ever putting myself down when I goof.

Behavior: Identify and log the triggers that led to the slip. Log behaviors following a slip that promote continuation of the food plan. Identify other situations where you failed multiple times but then eventually succeeded.

Irrational Beliefs and Challenges #3 of 13

Irrational Belief #3: I am worthless because I am overweight.

Challenges:

• Although I prefer to have less body fat, I am not worthless because of my size.
• I am as worthwhile as the next person.
• Self-worth is not defined by looks or amount of body fat.
• There are other important things that demonstrate my strengths.
• Self-worth is developed from within, and not by approval from others.
  

Behavior: Practice positive self-talk. Engage in activities and behaviors that you feel good about that help increase self-esteem, such as calling a friend, attending church, doing a hobby, etc.